First though I wanted to write a post on feeling like an athlete. I always struggle with this. I didn't play sports growing up or in high school or college so I feel like I'm playing catch-up and always doubting in my head that I'm really an athlete. I had a good week though which boosted my confidence and made me feel "athletic". I've got my first triathlon coming up this next weekend in Encinitas. Its a Sprint distance so its the shortest distance which is a good way to start. What maybe isn't the best way to start is that its a 'surf entry' triathlon. Meaning the swim is in the ocean and its not in a bay or harbor.. you enter directly into the surf off the coast. In my head when I heard this I thought.. sure ok no big deal. I just go into the waves....we'll work it out. So last week Dave thought it would be good for me to practice some surf entry. I suddenly started getting nervous; the day was upon us. On the drive over to the beach I literally felt nauseous. Hmm..maybe I'm a little nervous. We got there and the surf looked big to me plus I had all this anxiety built up.
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| Ok ok.. it wasn't this big! |
After the struggle to put on my sausage casing - aka my wetsuit - we waddled down into the water and this is when I really started freaking out. I had one of those uncontrollable fear moments. The one where you can try to talk to yourself in your head and you know its going to be OK but you just can't get over that fear. I'm not a great swimmer... I am NOT comfortable in the ocean and the waves freak me out. Yeah.. not a good combo. We waded out there and finally made our attempt through the waves to get past the break. This took longer that I had expected because I kept stopping to freak out a bit. Then Dave would try to calm me and I'd tune him out because all his words could not break through my panic. The waves were not that big but they were big enough and I was anxious and by the time I got past the waves I was exhausted and freaked out that I'd still have to swim once I actually broke the waves. I had a total meltdown! Picture tears here and irrational panic. At that point I told Dave I was NOT doing the triathlon.. I didn't have to... I didn't want to... I was over it. I felt bad, like I had failed him, failed myself and felt like a big ol baby. We tried one more time which wasn't a whole lot better then left to head home while I cried some more about how I felt like I failed and it sucked and I wanted to be good at it..blah blah blah. It really felt like a failure of a day.
The next day I went on a bike ride that was somewhere around 45-50 miles with a friend of mine (I only have an estimate because my bike computer died...oops) and then later that day went on an 8 mile run. That day to me felt like a win. I had a great ride with a good friend and I went on a run afterward! I have a hard time convincing myself to run after a ride especially because riding is still new to me so to ride 45-50 miles is a workout but on that day I knew (according to my marathon plan) that I needed to run 8 miles at marathon pace! So I sucked it up and got out the door. This felt like a huge accomplishment to me and really upped my spirits after the previous days debacle.
The following day (Friday) we decided to hit the coast one more time for a surf entry redemption. The waves were calmer and it seemed like there were a decent number of people going out to do surf entry on this day which totally added to my confidence. Just seeing other people out there made me more comfortable for some reason...also, a lot of them looked like they were trying to get comfortable with swimming past the waves too so I wasn't alone in my newbie-ness. This day ended up being a total win! I think because I had done it once before and because the waves were smaller I just got out there and did it. I made it past the break and wasn't as exhausted and not nearly as scared... it was kind of fun! So we went back in and did it 2 more times for a total of 3 wave entries with NO TEARS. Huge turn around. I felt soooooooo much better and am glad I gave it another shot. So we headed to breakfast :) It doesn't hurt to have the reward of a yummy breakfast dangling in front of you to make you perform!
On top of surf entry in the morning we headed to La Jolla Cove that afternoon to just do some ocean swimming. The cove is semi-protected so it doesn't get a lot of wave action so this was more about swimming. I did it and felt ok about it. I swam a total of 0.5 miles and Dave went out again to make his a total of 1 mile. I still am not completely comfortable swimming in my wetsuit but I think that just takes some getting used to. It just feels a little restrictive on my neck and arms but like I said I think I just need to work into it. So .. long story short I WON!!! and I'm still doing the triathlon. Now I just need to cross my fingers and hope the surf isn't huge that morning. That is on top of all the other anxieties I've got about the race and performance...and my muffin top :)
